Halloween Franchise RANKED
In preparation for Halloween Kills, I went and watched every film in the Halloween franchise. Naturally, I had to rank them afterward. So from worst to best, let's take a look back at the adventures of Michael Myers from his most cringe-worthy appearances to his most chilling.
The Good: Laurie Strode...for like 5 minutes before they unceremoniously kill her off.
The Bad: Literally everything else. This doesn't really feel like a Halloween movie at all...which is probably because it was just a generic horror script turned into one. The plot is bad. The characters are extremely unlikeable. Worst of all....it's incredibly boring. I nodded off more than a few times.
HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS
The Good: Um...Paul Rudd I guess?
The Bad: All the crazy cult stuff. The plot is insanely convoluted. Seriously, whose idea was it to make Myers' evil tied to an evil cult?? Also killing off Jamie-- also unceremoniously-- is also not great (what is it with this series killing off good characters badly?)
HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS
The Good: Jamie & Loomis.
The Bad: Unlikable Tina as a final girl after Rachel is...you guessed it...unceremoniously killed off. The Nicolas Cage Michael Myers mask (seriously what is up with it??) Comic relief cops.
HALLOWEEN (ROB ZOMBIE)
The Good: Learning more about Michael's backstory.
The Bad: Learning more about Michael's backstory. Sometimes I just want evil people to be evil and not to know why they're evil. Also, I just don't love Zombie's trashy grungy style.
HALLOWEEN II (ROB ZOMBIE)
The Good: I went back and forth between ranking this one ahead of or behind its sequel, and ultimately I do appreciate that it's doing more of its own thing and exploring a realistic scenario of how someone would actually deal with the aftermath of these events and how it would affect them personally.
The Bad: All of the freaking visions of his dead mom and a white horse. I just can't. Aside from that, even though Laurie's trauma is certainly believable...goodness she is an unlikeable version of this character to be around. She's insufferable...maybe that's the point, but it's not a good time.
The Good: I like this timeline, I like this cast.
The Bad: Just feels like filler until we get to the finale. Sidelining Laurie was a mistake and all of the stuff with the mob is just...stupid. Seriously you can't tell the difference between a guy whose mugshot has probably been known in the town for 40 years and a guy who is probably 2 feet shorter than him, round & bald? I can only suspend so much disbelief.
HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS
The Good: Jamie & Loomis. As a type of Halloween Lite, this formula works.
The Bad: I don't love writing off Laurie's character because Jamie Lee Curtis didn't return. I also didn't love their shock ending which was immediately retconned in the next film. Also once again Michael's mask is comically bad here.
HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH
The Good: This is a fun, goofy 80s horror movie.
The Bad: This is not really a Halloween movie at all despite the fact that it is! It's not even taking place in the same universe.
The Good: Jamie Lee Curtis is back as Laurie thus retconning some of the sillier installments (and creating alternate timelines for the franchise). She's got some great moments here and finally gets to finish Michael off in a way that was completely satisfying (until Halloween Resurrection ruined it and retconned it. Sigh.)
The Bad: My biggest complaint here is the pacing. There's a lot of setup here and then by the time things really start to get going the movie is over.
The Good: Retconning the sibling reveal from Halloween II. Feels like a fresh return to form and going back to the franchise's roots after Resurrection & the Rob Zombie reboots. Great to see Laurie return and her granddaughter Allyson feels like she's channeling Jamie Lee Curtis's girl next door vibes from the original.
The Bad: Yeah it gets a little Home Alone-y toward the end and some people felt the humor attempts were out of place, but I didn't have a problem with it.
The Good: This one's tone feels closest to the original and watched back to back provides even more context to what a horrifying day that first Halloween was. I like the hospital setting here and evading Michael in this one felt truly thrilling and full of tension.
The Bad: The sibling reveal. Was it needed? Was it convoluted? Opinions vary, but I didn't love it. For some, it added lore, for me it just wasn't needed.
The Good: Nothing beats the OG. This is a slasher masterpiece and such an important milestone for the horror genre. The tension, the music...everything here is working together in the best possible way to create a nightmare so iconic and unforgettable. There's a reason it was oft imitated but never successfully duplicated. It has that certain je ne sais quoi that cannot be manufactured: lightning in a bottle.
The Bad: Did you really think I was gonna talk smack about this horror classic? Be real.
Time will tell where Halloween Ends ranks on the list, let's just hope it lands higher than Halloween Kills.