1.18.2017

The WORST Films of 2016

Alright, my friends. The time has come for me to present you my Top Ten Worst Films of 2016, though I must admit I don't nearly feel ready. You might say I'm being too harsh on my list. But you see, I didn't have time to watch such gems as Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates or The Boss. I did take the time to watch the abysmally low rated horror films Shut In and The Disappointments Room and while incredibly stupid, I didn't find them completely irredeemable to put on my list (I mean they did have game lead actresses who did decent and some nice cinematography.) Then of course there's the usual band of films I deem unwatchable (that I usually devote to having their own list, but again ran out of time this year.) Such unwatchable films include: Dirty Grandpa, Hardcore Henry, Ride Along 2 and Max Steel....not to mention all the horrible animated films that looked mind numbing like Norm of the North, Storks, Sings, Trolls, etc etc etc. So without further ado, yes I know there were probably worse films out there, but these ten were the worst I suffered through.

10. GODS OF EGYPT

Orignal prediction for the movie HERE. I won't deny that I wasn't entertained during this movie...in a so bad it's good kind of way. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna give it a pass and leave it off the list, because this movie was pretty preposterous.

9. WARCRAFT

Unlike Gods of Egypt, Warcraft wasn't entertaining in the least. To be fair, I watched it in the Drive-In, which doesn't always allow for you to pay it the amount of attention you can in a regular theater, but nevertheless, Warcraft was a slog to get through. I'd come up with more to say here, but I don't really have the energy to try to remember anything about the movie besides that I hated it so very much. The only reason it doesn't get higher on the list is that I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt due to my viewing circumstances.

8. THE FIFTH WAVE

The one thing we can possibly thank The Fifth Wave for is for possibly putting the nail in the coffin (along with the decline of the Divergent series) of the YA craze. The Fifth Wave is so laughably bad it has to stop all other films of its kind in its track from being made.

7. ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

Original review HERE. Watching Alice Through The Looking Glass in theaters I was instantly detached and bored out of my mind at how little it tried. I decided to cut it some slack though as I had never read the book it was based on, so I couldn't speak for its skills as an adaptation. But then I read on Wikipedia how the Mad Hatter (which the movie completely revolves around) wasn't even in the book, and then I felt no shame in hating this movie that stole the name of a famous sequel to make up their own garbage. I was pretty happy when it flopped, and let's hope that's the last time we see these goons in these roles.
6. TIE: THE DARKNESS

Though I gave a pass to the lame-brained Disappointments Room and Shut In, I couldn't do the same for the incredibly stupid and scareless horror flick The Darkness. Those films were pretty generic and harmless, but The Darkness was just idiotic. But, it didn't really have to be. It had an easy premise to build on and it really did nothing with it. Plus it took some conditions that people suffer with and made them punchlines. So pointless.

6. TIE: YOGA HOSERS
How in the world was this movie allowed at Sundance? In the same year there were reported walk-outs during Swiss Army Man, how is it possible that no one had any problem with this movie? The first half of Yoga Hosers is completely charmless and surprisingly boring. It's trying to emulate better movies such as Scott Pilgrim vs. The World but does not have the wit. Then the second half happens and its absurdity isn't funny or outrageous enough to save the movie. It just makes it even more stupid.

5. THE DO-OVER
It's debatable whether or not it's fair to include this film as it went straight to Netflix, but what would a Top Ten Worst List be without an Adam Sandler movie? And besides that, this is a really really awful one. Apparently, Sandler thought that if he could just let loose in an R-rated comedy somehow he'd be funnier. If anything, it was way worse. As expected, David Spade isn't any help in making it better, but at least for him maybe he doesn't make it worse.

4. THE FUNDAMENTALS OF CARING
Another movie that debuted at last year's Sundance, The Fundamentals of Caring, was actually on my most anticipated list for the festival, but sadly (so I thought,) wasn't able to get tickets for it. It made its way to Netflix and one night I decided to finally watch what I believed to be a feel-good indie film. Instead, I saw a movie without any artistic integrity at all. A movie trying to be indie for indie sake, that actually happened to be incredibly awful and painful to watch. The most offensive thing about it is that it was a movie that's trying to sucker people into thinking it's good, heartfelt and unoriginal when it basically was the exact opposite. This movie simply went by the Indie Movie checklist without any thought at all to whether any of it would work or be good at all. What results is an excruciatingly pretentious experience.

3. NINE LIVES
I called at the beginning of the year last year how insanely stupid this movie and no surprise I was right. But I didn't really predict how much everyone (aside from Jennifer Garner) would be sleepwalking through their roles and phoning it in. This movie was so lazy and uninspired, it's a wonder that it ever saw the light of day and didn't just end up at a Redbox one day. This movie was basically a bunch of cat sound effects combined with Kevin Spacey sounding really bored. So unbelievably stupid.

2. ZOOLANDER 2
Original review HERE. There's nothing worse than an unnecessary sequel to a movie that was good and didn't need one. But this had to be a new level of offensive. I really loved the first Zoolander, and the sequel was absolutely positively one of the worst movies of the year. I probably laughed twice in the entire film, and both were most assuredly guilty laughs. This movie completely ruined everything that happened in the first movie, so honestly it's best for everyone to pretend that this movie never happened.

1. INDEPENDENCE DAY RESURGENCE
Original review HERE. Somehow, more mind numbing than all of these movies combined is undoubtedly Independence Day: Resurgence. This movie wasn't entertaining in the least. It wasn't so dumb it's fun, it was so dumb it was horrible, awful, terrible, and any other negative adjective you'd like to add. I wish I could say more, but I can't put my mind through that right now.

So there you have it! I may have been a little harsh...but them's the breaks! Stay tuned tomorrow for my Sundance Preview and Friday for my Best List.


2 comments:

Karen Peterson said...

I somehow managed to miss all of these movies. And not even by choice. I just never got around to any of them.

I still managed to see some really terrible flicks, though.

Sarah said...

It's amazing how many terrible movies get made each year...and how much money gets thrown away on these terrible movies! You have to wonder if a bunch of producers, film studios, etc. don't regret just making a donation to charity with that money instead of making some of the movies they do.