2.27.2015

The Lazaraus Duff Dress Effect

This makes two weeks in a row that I saw a screening of a new release in theaters, but it was so forgettable that it slipped my mind that I should actually write a review for it. Last week it was The Duff, this week it was The Lazarus Effect. But how can anyone talk about movies when a hellish dress exists to divide humanity in half?? So what I'll do here is give you two mini reviews of the movies out now, followed by a list of 5 movies that can explain the dress's existence. We'll start with the newer release first.

THE LAZARUS EFFECT. I haven't seen a horror film this bad in quite a long time. Maybe it was because I just avoid bad ones now, but my goodness this film induced me to several eye rolls all throughout. The funny thing was, my gut reaction was that I knew it would be stupid when I heard the premise and the title, but when I saw the cast I was filled with hope. Mark Duplass would never be in a stinker movie would he? Unfortunately, the question has been answered now with The Lazarus Effect, and it's a sad truth that yes he would. This movie only contains cheap scares, and the moments when it tries to genuinely terrify the audience are so tame that you wonder if the script was written by a junior high schooler. EMILY RATING: 2/10.

THE DUFF. Who knew high school romantic comedies still existed? This seems like a genre that died in the 90's. For that reason, I appreciate this movie's attempt. Underneath all the crass and crude jokes... there's a sweet little film underneath. I enjoyed the whole "coaching" aspect to dating and thought it was amusing. As, of course, was the central idea of the joke. That said... it's kind of a one-joke film (DUFF = Designated Ugly Fat Friend), and if you don't find that joke funny to begin with you're out of luck. Also, I have to think this movie was made by 40-year-olds trying to get in touch with their inner teen. "Oh let's mention every social network possible, make up our own hip phrases, and use a lot of text language!" EMILY RATING: 5.5/10

Now about that dress....

And if you happened to miss the hoopla last night, just go to BuzzFeed and see what you missed. Every third article is about it.




  MOVIES THAT EXPLAIN THE DRESS'S EXISTENCE

THE GIVER


Do we even see color at all?? Are we living in a society that has removed it altogether in our quest to become as PC as possible?? At least the new receivers of memory can see the blue.

PLEASANTVILLE

Ditto the last entry, but this time are we stuck in a 1950's tv show?? One by one though, people discover the truth of color... so I can only hope the crazies who still admit to white & gold somehow see what reality looks like.

THE MATRIX

Our reality is not what we think it is.. and maybe it all depends on what pill we took. Our reality is merely created by a computer around us.

THE TRUMAN SHOW

Is it possible, that we're all trapped in a giant fake world, where we're the star and how we saw this dress determines our reality? Is the maker we thought we knew merely a tv director laughing at us?

THE STEPFORD WIVES

Are these Gold & White maniacs actually robot people that used to be humans to make the world a more blind place?

DIVERGENT

Are people who see Blue & Black Divergents who see life as it really is? Was this all a government test?? "This isn't reallllll!!"

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS

Aliens came to earth and administered this test. They took the people who saw white & gold because they are the weaker among the human species. Now the people who insist on white & gold are no longer regular functioning people, they are aliens trying to spread their agenda.

INCEPTION

The dress is the token that helps you determine your reality. If you see it black and blue you are in the real world. Gold and white it's a dream.

THE RING

Remember how it was said Samara could put images in people's heads? Maybe the dress is her new video tape since no one owns VCRs anymore. We all have 7 days left.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Is it possible that all the people who see white & gold, people who had their memory of the color blue erased? How can they not recognize the color blue when they see it? Must have been tied to a traumatic romantic relationship.


Other things to consider: 27 Dresses (did we all watch this movie too many times and are just getting her dresses confused?), 1984 (2+2=5), Soylent Green (Blue & Black is people!!!)

Worst of all? The dress haters. 

People who love the dress:



People who hate the dress:

2 comments:

Johanna said...

Good post. Won't see either of the movies you mentioned. Sob....Oscar season is over. Let the dearth begin.

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