10.30.2014

The Tale of the 90's Zingers

At the start of the month when commencing my horror viewing, I had the intense desire to walk down memory lane by revisiting one of my favorite television shows growing up: Are You Afraid of the Dark? Reuniting with this show was like getting in touch with my past young self and rediscovering what helped me fall in love with the horror genre in the first place. For those who are unfamiliar it's like The Twilight Zone for kids (or in other words...Goosebumps.) Guys. They don't make 'em like they used to. The style, the cheesiness and the innocence all combine into something wonderful. 90's television for kids was nothing short of fabulous. But my favorite thing of all in opening this time capsule? Undoubtedly it would have to be the hilarious dialogue that naturally occurs in an era full of smart alecky teenage characters. There just was this way of insulting someone so creatively back then that you don't see nowadays. Some time into my viewing of the series, I knew a record needed to be kept of these verbal gems (mostly insults, with a few pickup line as a bonus...) to share with the world. So with that I share the best of the best and say: submitted for the approval of the readers of movies & mayhem, I call this list: The Tale of the 90's Zingers. *Throws magical dust into a campfire..*


BEST INSULTS

1. "I heard you got the wrong end of a brain transplant. Any truth to that?" Ouch!
2. "Why don't you take your traveling circus please and leave me alone?" Why insult the guy who is bothering you when you can insult his friends instead?
3. "You should have seen Vicky when she first started working here. What a Bowser."I can only take that to mean the villain in Mario who I'm sure many women seek to resemble.
4. "He was one of those dips who lived for homework. I guess you might call him the smartest loser in school." The compusult! Half compliment half insult.
5.  "You're a zero! You'll always be a zero! You won't see me sitting around like some toad." These words spoken by a loving sister to her quirky brother.
6.  "Every second I spend with you my brain shrinks." Aka I HATE you, please die.
7."I couldn't stand being you." Elegant hatred and an insult of the highest degree.
8. Don't worry, I'll smack you when we get home. Live in FEAR of me little sibling.
9. "How do you like it here?" "I don't know. It's kind of a loser neighborhood." I'm insulting everyone who chose to live in the same area as me.
10. It's just a piece of old junky wood....like your head." Your head is made of wood?
11.  "Maybe they got dressed in the dark and don't know they look stupid." Going for their fashion is like going for their heart.
12. "Everyone has a special talent: in your case it's being a complete idiot" A talent for idiocy.
13. "Everyone thinks I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic." If you wanna insult yourself..


BEST PICKUP LINES
1. "I don't suppose there's any chance we could make out?" Smooth as LETTUCE.
2. "I think you're the hottest thing around this campfire." Frank never had a subtle approach
3. "You're kind of a strange person, but I like that." Gotta bond over something..
4. "It's gonna be really hard calling someone that looks like you Sam." Well okay then.
5. "You're the most creative person I know...but I don't know anyone." It's the thought that counts.



A few of these insults below were said by a young Ryan Gosling. Can you guess which ones?

QUICK NAME CALLING
Cheeseball
Lamewad
Wild Boar
Miss Perfect
Snitch
Your Twerpy Sister
Lameball
Snot
Dip Munch
Bent
Snotball
Toe Jam
Dweeb
Gross
Boring
Loser
Old man
Strange Little Guy
Totally Weird
Toad
Useless
Vile Creature
Mr. Tough Stuff
Nutbag (If called this, retort:I am NOT a nutbag)
Chicken
Wuss
Toast
Little Brat
Juvenile
Wimpy
Princess
Geek
Baby
Slime
Zipperhead
Romeo
Mr. Sourdough (That's Sar-DO. No Mr. Accent on the do.)
Schmunkins
Onion Breath (I think that's the worst of them all..)
Dork
Creep
Schmunkinhead (don't ask me what this means)
Sire
A Complete and TOTAL Wuss (if wuss isn't strong enough)
Freak
Couch Potato
Stale
Fool
Genius
Vermin
You Scabs
Bozo
Jerk
Little Puke
You Zero
Little Wart
Lame
Yams
Airhead
Gullible
Slick
Stupid Little Jerk
Strange
Klutz 
Babbling Mortal
Little Skid Mark
Total Butthead
Stinking Little...
Little Dweeb
Runt
Little Spud
Rotten Kid
Turd Face
Overgrown Dirtbag
Tough Guy
Slug
Einstein
Squid
Pustule
Chump
Skatehead
Old fool
Loony
Idiot
Smells like fish
Worm
Ice Queen
Zoomers
Zeeb/Zeebo
Bucket Boy
Squirt
Little Twerp
Grungy boy
Virus
Dip
Puppy
Beaker Boy
Psycho
Cheesehead
Your dork friends
Deranged
Hearse boy
Chief
Killjoy
Bowser
Ugly little thing
Picasso
Dummy
Wuss boy
Dirt ball
Egghead
Lunatic
Goof
Doofus
Sick Little Puppy
Wacko

And this was just the first 5 seasons. Next year I'll return with the last two seasons feature the Midnight Society 2.0. But for now, which insult/pickup line is your favorite? I declare this blog post closed....until next year.


5 comments:

Laurie & Clint said...

little skid mark????

Sarah said...

Whoa. That is a LOT of insulting for one show. :)

Johanna said...

I might print these up and keep them in my wallet.

Might be a fun Friday night game, though. Who comes up with the best zinger?

Angelus Summers said...

How the hell could you forget the BEST LINES FROM THE LONELY GHOST omg

Beth was the biggest bitch ever!

"You have to prove you're not zeeb"
"How does one prove that they're not zeeb?"

"NO! f you touch her wrinkly contaminated hand i'll never let you touch my things again!"

That episode alone is just line after line of hilarious 90sness and just hilarity

Angelus Summers said...

"Don't let him next to the fire. He might explode." - Kiki referring to Stig