10.31.2013

Horror Heroes & Foes

My sincere apologies for not giving you more Halloween themed posts throughout the month, so here's a small list I came up with to help make up for that lack. As I was watching my horror selections for 2013, I wondered who are the ultimate survivors of the genre. Who are the characters I'd cling onto like the dickens, in hopes that I'd make it out alive? And conversely, which threats would they have the hardest time beating? So I present you 5 horror characters you want for your BFF and 5 foes you'd never want to face. When each foe is listed, I'll tell you whether or not I think each hero could take them out...and if you disagree you can vote on it and let your voice be heard! We'll start with the good guys first.

5 PEOPLE YOU WANT AT YOUR SIDE IN A HORROR CRISIS



ASH WILLIAMS (Evil Dead Trilogy) 
This guy has gone through hell and back to survive. When he lost his hand it only seemed to give him more power (swapping it for a chainsaw definitely helped...) Basically, you just can't underestimate this guy and his instincts. Still... it's no guarantee that being around him will help YOU survive....because so far the track record of Ash's companion's mortality hasn't been so good. You can learn from him, but he'll be too busy trying to save his own skin, then to save yours.



ELLEN RIPLEY (Alien trilogy) 
Ripley, on the other hand, is always trying to save others...whether it be a cat or a young girl (preferably a cat). She probably has more determination than any person on this list and is basically a veteran of survival. Don't get on her bad side, because usually if you do...you'll find your comeuppance eventually.


LAURIE STRODE (Halloween series) 
Laurie is probably the most resourceful of our group of heroes (she was probably glad that the people's house she was in didn't listen to the no wire hangers EVER rule...), and she's very quick on her feet (both literally and figuratively!) She's a fighter...even when all hope seems to be lost. Your best bet is if you happen to be one of the kids she's babysitting...because otherwise she'll kind of expect you to have enough common sense to keep yourself alive.

TALLAHASSEE (Zombieland) 
I mean what can you say about Tallahassee? Even when he's surrounded by COUNTLESS zombies while the manipulative hero's death music is playing, he not only manages to come out alive, but also doesn't happen to have a SCRATCH on him. That and he killed EVERYONE. Yeah...Tallahassee would be a good friend to have.



ED & LORRAINE WARREN (The Conjuring) 
This ghost hunting couple have seen it all...and are pretty much well equipped to handle any supernatural threat that comes their way. Lorraine senses it, and Ed can cast it out. They make it their life's work to help people. All you gotta do is sit in on one class and beg for their help. Then boom. You're friends and they can solve all your problems for you...uh ghost related problems that is (but wouldn't it be kinda funny if someone tried getting dating advice from them? Or like meaning of life advice?)


5 FOES YOU NEVER WANT TO FACE OFF AGAINST!
Okay I'll admit, I have yet to see Silence of the Lambs or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (maybe next year..) so even though I'm sure Leatherface and Hannibal Lecter would both make the list here, I'm gonna go for some alternative foes.

CARRIE - If you piss off Carrie....there's realllly not much you can do to escape her wrath. And it will be pretty painful. But the plus side is, you'll have a mighty fine and stylish death. And you'll have plenty of company when you discover that pretty much the entire high school is dead too (so maybe the high school drama and cliques can continue after death?)

WINNERS vs. CARRIE: Ed & Lorraine - Maybe if she IS a witch like her mom thinks, Ed & Lorraine can drive it out of her? Plus Lorraine is just so nice, she could probably talk her off the crazy. LOSERS vs. CARRIE: Laurie - a high school peer? Oh no...she's toast, Tallahassee - he'd be too busy making some wisecrack about the girl being covered in blood that before he knew it, he'd be dead IT'S A DRAW: Ash - he would run the similar risk that Tallahassee did, but he seems like he could take her by surprise a little easier, Ripley - she could use those motherly instincts of hers to calm her down....but if Carrie's in a bad mood, that could easily backfire.

Who could take down Carrie?
Ash Williams
Ellen Ripley
Laurie Strode
Tallahassee
Ed & Lorraine Warren
Poll Maker



THE THING - What's tricky about the thing...is that it can disguise itself as anyone or anything. There's almost no way of detecting thing from...non-thing. It makes you completely paranoid and unwilling to trust anyone. The thing could easily trick almost all of the heroes, and is absolutely one of the most deadly foes you could come across.

WINNERS vs. THE THING: Ripley she handled this all before in Alien...even if this situation is a bit trickier, I think she's got this, Laurie - like I said...the girl is resourceful. She'd make use of what she has to defeat this creature...and she's learned not to trust everyone already, Tallahassee - he's a bit of a lone wolf as it is and doesn't like trusting just everyone anyway....plus he's an excellent shot, Ash - he's handled all sorts of weird crap, so this wouldn't even phase him. LOSERS vs. THE THING: Ed & Lorraine - they're so trusting of people and just want to help everyone. Plus they don't always know when people aren't themselves.

Who would come out victorious against THE THING?
Ash Williams
Ellen Ripley
Laurie Strode
Tallahassee
Ed & Lorraine Warren
Poll Maker



MICHAEL MYERS  (Halloween) - The thing with Michael Myers is that somehow he just never seems to die. Add to that that the guy is completely ruthless and has no regard for human life....and that's a pretty bad combination. You'd think as a simple mortal the guy would be easy to off, but for whatever reason, that just doesn't seem to be the case...

WINNERS vs. MICHAEL MYERS: Laurie (9 times out of 10 she'll win this one..) Tallahassee, Ash, Ripley are all stealthy enough to get the better of the serial killer I think.  LOSERS vs. MICHAEL MYERS: Ed & Lorraine They can sense the paranormal and such..but can they tell when someone is just a psychopath?...but I think they all, if given the proper chance COULD beat Michael. But under the wrong circumstances, he could probably catch all of them by surprise too...except Tallahassee.


Who could escape Michael Myers?
Ash Williams
Ellen Ripley
Laurie Strode
Tallahassee
Ed & Lorraine Warren
Poll Maker



SAMARA MORGAN (The Ring) Yes she's just a kid...but she is perhaps the most evil of ALL the evil kids. Plus she can kill you (as well as deform your whole body...) in one single stare. Annnnnnnnnnd she never sleeps. Annnnnd she puts images into your mind (and can make you kill yourself pretty much...) And and and.... she's pure EVIL!

WINNERS: Ed & Lorraine this would be the easiest foe for this duo. They'd drive Samara back where she came from, no problem! Laurie - I could see her taking a similar approach as Rachel Keller did in The Ring and that worked out for her, Ash - he basically can sneak up behind Samara and chainsaw her in half. He's dealt with equally weird spirits.  LOSERS: Tallahassee is easily fooled by children and I think this time one might get the better of him, Ripley probably could beat Samara...but her mothering instincts could doom her into being tricked.


Who could defeat Samara?
Ash Williams
Ellen Ripley
Laurie Strode
Tallahassee
Ed & Lorraine Warren
Poll Maker



THE BODY SNATCHERS - Similar to the thing, the body snatchers make it extremely difficult to know who you can trust. Who are the impostors and who are your friends? There's an easier tell in this situation as opposed to the thing (the thing was better at mimicking "normal" behavior...) but on the other hand, the rapidity and widespread of the body snatchers makes it almost impossible to combat. Plus they get you when you sleep! And we all gotta sleep sometime riiiiight?

WINNERS: Ash and Tallahassee I see as having no problems with murdering an entire population that was infected, and Ripley knows how to deal with species from other planets! LOSERS: Ed & Lorraine probably could sense something is up. But can they drive aliens out of bodies? I don't think so. Laurie is good in a one on one match, but when she gets outnumbered...I'm not sure she'd be able to make it, even if she is such a fighter.


Who could survive the body snatchers?
Ash Williams
Ellen Ripley
Laurie Strode
Tallahassee
Ed & Lorraine Warren
Poll Maker

Well that's all for now. I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween!

6 comments:

Johanna said...

Hey, on my computers, your voting only worked on the first thing. I'm so over horror! On with the next genre!!!!

Johanna said...

Oh, and Zachary Binks could take them all! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That was an evil laugh if you couldn't tell.

Emily said...

Okay I'll see what I can do to fix it. Stupid polls. They're such a pain.

Emily said...

Should be fixed now.

Sarah said...

Fun voting. Lots of scary movies out there! MSN made a list of their 50 scariest movies: http://movies.msn.com/movie-guide-fall/scariest-movies-of-all-time/photo-gallery/feature/ How many of them have you seen?

Emily said...

Only 16! Sheeshhh a lot of those were pretty dang obscure!