6.25.2013

Come on kid!

Well after World War Z, I thought it'd only be fitting that I make a Top Ten list of the most annoying kids in film (well...actually 9 from film and one from television that was almost more annoying than anyone on the list...so I HAD to include him.) Now let's get something straight right away. This trope of the annoying kid is very different than the CREEPY kid I wrote about HERE. No, these kids aren't trying constantly to kill you...just your soul. Most of the time, they're getting into danger or just being really bratty in general and you are the one that really wants to kill THEM! The annoying kid usually appears in action adventure films as a source of dramatic tension designed to make the audience fret when they're in danger. Unfortunately, we all just kinda hope that they're done away with so we don't have to hear them whine anymore! What can I say? I just have no love for these kids on the list....and it makes me wish I could do what Bette Midler does to a young Seth Green in the movie Big Business and teach these young'uns to behave! OR do this...


10. GINNY WEASLEY - HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS. In doing my research for this list and looking at other people's lists, I found a great deal of them to include a young Ronald Weasley on that list. Sure he's not my favorite character in the Potter universe, but not bad enough to make the list for me. But that doesn't mean another Weasley isn't! If you're familiar with my feelings about a certain younger sister you won't be surprised to find her here. Ginny is annoying all throughout the series, but here this dum dum singlehandedly unleashes Voldy and almost gets herself killed. Too bad. Maybe Harry would have ended up with a better love interest had he not gotten there in time.

It looked better on the cat.

9. TIM & LEX - JURASSIC PARK. Okay, to be honest, Tim doesn't bother me too much. In fact as a little girl I may or may not have secretly had the hots for him. Haha! But really how hard is it for him to climb a fence!? Or why the heck didn't he just try and climb through the holes of said fence? He was certainly small enough! But I can cut him some slack. However I cannot say the same for his biggest  moment of "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING???" when he's just sitting there looking over Lex's shoulder at her hacking skills instead of handing Dr. Grant the gun! Dr. Sattler couldn't reach it, they were both trying to hold the door closed come on! Stop sitting there and hand them the gun. Lex is far worse though how she always draws attention to herself by you know....shining a flashlight right into a T-Rex's face, and then screaming every chance she gets. Sure I haven't been in her situation before.....maybe I would scream too. But for now I will condemn her and say she's stupid.



8. CHARLIE BUCKET - WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. He stole fizzy lifting drink!!! HE LOSES! Good day! I kinda wish the movie had ended there and Charlie just stood there with his overbite mouth hanging wide open and shaking his head like he couldn't believe it. Hey, kid don't look so surprised and stop acting so entitled. You and your crazy Grandpa deliberately broke the rules so stop pretending you're so innocent. The one thing that kooky remake improved on was Charlie...and honestly it wasn't too hard to do. I'm not sure you can get more blah than this kid.

The End.


7. DANI DENNISON - HOCUS POCUS. Dani is the epitome of a brat. That said, I can't say I didn't take a few pages from her book when I saw this movie as a child....but only a couple! (Mostly tattling on my brother and trying to get my way...) But Dani? She's the worst. She whines, she screams, she guilts, she insults, she disobeys instructions (stay in the circle of salt you dumb girl!) and she finds herself very much in danger all too frequently which causes others to have to risk their lives for her. Just not a very pleasant kid that no one would have missed had the witches stolen her soul. We'll leave it at that.

Utterly charming.


6. KELLY CURTIS - THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK. This girl is even more of a punk than Tim & Lex because she thinks she's SO cool. Well, I got a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite, she isn't. Yeah, she's more of a teen than a kid....but I still felt she deserved a place on the list. Why? The pole vault trick she performed to kick a raptor in the face has to be the most ludicrous and disgraceful thing in the history of the Jurassic Park franchise (with the talking raptor dream in J III as a close runner up.) Ian Malcolm, how on earth could you have a daughter so lame??



5. ANAKIN SKYWALKER - STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE. Yes, this comes from a prequel apologist, but there's really no defending Jake Lloyd's performance here. Sure it's become hilariously and unintentionally quotable...but yeah it's still pretty awful. Ewan McGregor's Obi-wan summed it up pretty accurately when he said "Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form?" It's not that he's bratty, or even THAT annoying (okay well that's debatable...) he's just kinda silly and not very convincing.....and it sounds like he's reading his lines off a cue card. Not how anyone pictured a young Darth Vader to be. I really could go on and on....but I don't wanna be a hater.

You tell her son.

4. WALT - LOST. This kid couldn't BE more annoying. Really I'm convinced he couldn't. Which is why I couldn't be happier that [SPOILER highlight to read] he was written off the show after one season. [/SPOILER] All the kid does is defy his Dad and scream at him. Never trust pariah children. When you're not looking they might try and destroy any chance you have of getting off a stranded island and just generally really try your patience. Probably every single person on that island hated him, and at least Sawyer had the guts to say he wanted to smack some sense into him. I don't recall exactly what happened to him when it is all said and done...I just hoped he suffered. Hey, he's fictional! Stop judging me.

Only one person on this island cares about Walt...

3. JOSEPH DUNN - UNBREAKABLE. Remember that dumb face I mentioned that Charlie Bucket likes to pull? Spencer Treat Clark in Unbreakable must have come up with his own homage to that and pulls out that mug any chance he gets. But even worse, he adds tears in his eyes to said look...and like in the picture below somehow manages to look high too? But that look alone isn't enough to put him above all the others on the list so far. Pulling a gun on his Dad (in order to test his "powers") and almost ruining a fantastic film is what gets him so high onto the list. He's just out of control.

Friends don't shoot friends!

2. RACHEL FERRIER - WAR OF THE WORLDS.
Imagine every kid on this list and imagine them screaming during their entire screen time of their respective films. That is pretty much what Dakota Fanning's impact is in her role in War of the Worlds. ALL this girl does is scream and be useless. I don't even have the energy to describe how much I hate her in this movie. Her older brother isn't much better either though. THIS article perfectly describes it, as well as their thoughts on Tim & Lex as well. I must echo this writer in wondering if Steven Spielberg REALLY hates kids, because my goodness all the ones in his films are pretty dang obnoxious.



And the number one spot goes to....


1. SAMMY PARKER - ONE FINE DAY. One Fine Day is a sweet 90's romantic comedy featuring the brilliant pairing of Michelle Pfieffer and George Clooney. It is an enjoyable, charming little flick.....all except for the inclusion of THE brattiest, most annoying kid to ever grace the silver screen. All this kid does is get into trouble all. day. long. From breaking important things, spilling people's coffee, getting marbles stuck up his nose...The sky is the limit with this kid. And let's be honest, he has zero cute factor to make up for his behavior. It's no wonder Sammy's dad never wants to spend time with him. There I said it.

And we all hate you.

Well that's the list! Was I too harsh? Or did I let some other snot nosed brat off the hook? Let me know in the comments below!

EDIT: I just realized I left off Briony Tallis in Atonement. Putting a man she knew was innocent in prison because she was jealous would probably put her in the top 5 of this list, knocking Ginny Weasley off. My apologies for my carelessness!

7 comments:

Johanna said...

Was this cathartic? Ha ha, hilariously funny, but you must have gotten something out. Good choices all, even though you might be a little harsh on some of them.

TV kids...the worst of all time has to be Richie Petrie in The Dick Van Dyke show. He must have had a relative in high places. The poor kids cannot act at all.

Now the picture of the kid on top looks like the one who was in Clarissa Explains it All. I think he was also in Can't Buy Me Love. He was an annoying brother.

I know you hate Dani. I just didn't know how much.

Emily said...

What are you accusing me of?? Also the kid in the pic was a young Seth Green! He was not in Clarissa....but WAS in Can't Buy Me Love.

Sarah said...

I think you have a pretty good list here. Dang, these kids are irritating! I'll have to go through my movies and see if you missed any. I have always hated Dani. In fact, she almost made me hate Hocus Pocus. However, Bette Midler and Sarah Jessica Parker are just too good in that movie to hate it simply because there is a major brat of a child in it. Oh, and I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said about the kids from Jurassic Park (both movies). Kudos to the child in the third Jurassic Park movie for NOT being irritating.

Now you should do a list of movies that had great kids/kid ensembles (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, The Goonies, Super 8, ET, etc.)

Or movies that have adorable kids in them. Those kids in The Thrill of it All with Doris Day and James Garner are an absolutely adorable addition to the movie. You just want to snuggle them!

Emily said...

I actually did ponder the idea of doing an adorable kid list. I'll have to ponder that.

Laurie & Clint said...

those pics of charlie bucket and the kid from unbreakable are so funny!

Emily said...

Haha you like that? Check this out!
http://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/gifs/willywonka-lift-charlie-worried-original-13482381245.gif

Sarah said...

Both Laurie and I can make the Charlie Bucket face. It is our gift to the world.