Show Me Your Teeth

Hello, readers. I'm afraid I've been neglecting you again. Not because I've been horribly busy, and not because I have writers block (on the contrary, I know I have a Roger Ebert and Jurassic Park 3D blog in me at the very least...) No, I'm afraid it's just pure laziness that has kept me from writing. Well....that and having to take a few visits to the dentist this week. Or as I like to refer to it, "hell on earth." I'm not the only one to have this view it seems. All throughout movies and television, dentists are portrayed to be twisted individuals....often even monstrous villains. Like Jerry said once in Seinfeld, the only difference between a dentist and a sadist is newer magazines right? So, these unpleasant trips to the dentist now leads me to my most random list of perhaps any I've come up with on this site: a collection of dentists from both film and television that more than likely you would never want to visit.

FINDING NEMO - After being unexpectedly captured, young clownfish Nemo finds himself as the new resident of an aquarium located in a dentist office. Coping with the utter boredom of captivity, the other fish really have nothing to do but absorb themselves in the day to day working of one Phillip Sherman. What do we learn about Sherman from their observations? Well...he's a little negligent in noticing the cleanliness of the aquarium right away, as well as oblivious to the fact that his niece probably isn't ready to take care of a fish. But the most disturbing? His handling of root canals. As an individual who JUST went through that this week, I'm glad P. Sherman of Wallaby way was not my dentist.

THE SIMPSONS - At a routine dental checkup, Lisa discovers that she will soon need to get braces before her teeth go from problematic to British....and finally resulting in complete and utter disaster. This development, while no means great gets even worse when it is learned that Mr. Burns plans to do away with her father's dental insurance benefits. What does that mean? As expected, it takes Homer awhile to make the connection of this significance. As for this dentist...he's certainly not the worst on this list, but he definitely has a terrible bedside manner. Or is it reclining chair-side manner in this case?

HORRIBLE BOSSES - Jennifer Aniston has never looked better....and has probably never played a more despicable character either. This lady dentist doesn't know the meaning of "no" as she's constantly sexually harassing her coworkers and taking advantage of her patients. She's a pretty horrible person...so it's no wonder that one of her dental assistants wants to...um murder her. Probably every single scene of her's in Horrible Bosses isn't exactly appropriate...so we'll leave this section clipless.

SEINFELD - A similar speculation goes on in Seinfeld with wondering what dentists are up to when their patients are under. But that's not the only appearance that dentists make the show. The most memorable dentist comes in the form of one Tim Whatley. Tim does all sorts of insulting things from going out of his way to not invite Jerry to his party, re-gifting presents, giving away super bowl tickets and finally converting to Judaism purely for the jokes. But don't you dare insult his occupation...because that's the only thing he has a true allegiance to.

MARATHON MAN - Okay...I'll be honest. I've never seen this and I don't know that I ever could. Every clip I've ever seen in this film is absolutely horrifying. I hate going to the dentist as much as it is, but this film that shows it as an extreme form of torture would probably cure me for life of even contemplating the thought of sitting in a dentist's chair. The clip of the torture scene is readily available on youtube, but I'm opting to include the trailer below instead for my own peace of mind.

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS - Like in Marathon Man, Steve Martin's dentist also uses his dentistry as a form of torture, but this time the results are a little more darkly comedic than downright horrifying. Having this subject elicit laughs doesn't hurt though when you have Bill Murray as a way too overeager patient either. I'm including two clips here, the first is Steve Martin's song announcing his occupation to the audience. This musical number made my teeth pretty sad. The second is the aforementioned scene with Bill Murray who is all too excited to be visiting the dentists office.


Hermey is without a doubt the nicest dentist you'll find on this list. But being an elf his whole life, that probably makes him the most inexperienced as well. Sure he's practiced pulling teeth on a few dolls (even ones he specially designed for the task...) and he helped the snow monster out of a jam...which is actually a huge client to have (pun intended.) But the real deal is always much different than pretend. Oh well...at least he's not maniacal right? Beggars can't be choosers you know.

THE HANGOVER -  Stu is such a talented dentist and chooses to prove it while utterly wasted. After all, only a true professional could [SPOILER] pull out his own tooth, right? [/SPOILER] Okay, maybe that isn't the best showcase of his intellect or intuition while under the influence...but nevertheless his skills remain impressive. I must admit, losing a tooth is one of my recurring nightmares, so had I woken up without one...I probably would have freaked out at least ten times more than Stu did. What a pro.

GHOST TOWN - Ricky Gervais' Dr. Pincus is a man purely dedicated to his craft. Purely professional, he is almost a pleasant dentist to be around. Is there really such a thing? Wait strike that... he's kind of happens to be a big jerk in his personal life and barely talks to his patients (who likes small talk anyway?)....but you really can't deny that he knows his stuff. But don't worry, a near death experience will change all that relatively shortly...and soon he'll be a pretty decent guy to be around.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY - How would it be to grow up with a strict dentist for a father? Would you rebel as much as you could the first chance you got? Would you perhaps...create the world's grandest chocolate factory after living so many years without that sweet goodness? Yeah I probably would too. But at least he got freakishly white teeth out of the deal...

Sadly, I find myself relating to many of those cinematic patients for this is just the beginning of my time at the dentist. But hey at least writing this post was somewhat cathartic...so I could get a tiny bit of revenge....not to say I'm an anti-dentite or anything... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my list. Thankfully summer is right around the corner and the movies worth writing about will be popping up all over the place, so I won't have any excuses for these blog lapses!


Sarah said...

Wow. I guess you don't realize just how many dentist characters there are in TV and film until you list them like this! Crazy stuff! I don't terribly mind going to the dentist...as long as they get it right and I don't have to go back to have a filling fixed or adjusted!

By the way, wasn't Darla Doctor Sherman's niece? Not his daughter?

Emily said...

I could have SWORN she was his niece too! When i was doing research someone said daughter, so I just went with that. Should have gone with my gut instinct because I'm pretty sure you and I were right. So I'll just go edit that...

Johanna said...

It's like cars. You know when someone you know buys a particular model, all of a sudden all you see are that model.

But, I do wonder if you could find this many clips about accountants.

I wonder which profession has had the most storylines. I would go with reporter. I swear every other movie has a character who is a reporter.

Amelia said...

Hahahahaha I forgot that Hermey wanted to be a dentist. I think I should stay away from some of these movies; I already have a hard enough time when it comes to psyching myself out about going to the dentist.