All right. Enough of the schmooze posts. It's time now for a very different kind of Valentine's Day list. THIS time it's a list for those who have said "adieu to love, I'll never love again!" (but never in a Kirsten Dunst bizarre singing voice mind you...) If you're a wounded soul, bitter, recently dumped, forever single, or you just don't want the warm fuzzies this Valentines day, then this is the list of movies for you. Some of us will never find love...so says The Wedding Singer, and before we begin the list I just have to post this scene to get us in the spirit :) Oh and go gather your house full of cats....I'm sure they'll want to hear this post too. Now there are plenty more than just these! I honestly believe (500) Days of Summer, Annie Hall, and even Eternal Sunshine fit this category too....but I'm saving them for my list tomorrow.


So I actually just barely watched this movie for the first time...and let me tell you it scared the CRAP out of me. Seriously. I can't remember a movie so realistically creepy (well...the concept anyway, not necessarily the actions..). The premise itself doesn't make much sense...I mean, I find it highly unrealistic Michael Douglas would have cheated on his perfect movie wife Anne Archer...but that aside, the results that follow his weekend fling with an overly attached Jezebel crazy, are just absolutely terrifying. Though it's kind of hard to buy Glenn Close as the other woman, she completely sells you on the clinging psychotic aspect to her role. This film should be a requisite for all husbands (and wives) to watch to urge them not to cheat...or to really trust anyone. I think it would pretty much scare anybody straight!


The above quote is my favorite line from Love and Death and kind of sums up the humor of the whole movie. Boris has always been in love with Sonja, but she doesn't see him that way at all....and only reluctantly agrees to marry him because she's confident he'll die in battle the next day....but he doesn't, and now she's stuck in a loveless (on her side) marriage. After that she gets so bored of their marriage she concocts a scheme to kill Napoleon. THAT'S how much she doesn't want to focus on your relationship. Then when she finally mayyyybe comes around to the idea it's too late. Sigh. Love is exhausting.   


This movie is just absolutely brilliant. I don't want to say too much about it because it's best to have as little knowledge as possible when seeing it. But basically it's a love story told from two different points of view....kind of like a very different version of Flipped. Starring Audrey Tautou from Amelie, I saw the film expecting her not to have much range and to portray a character very similar to Amelie. But she really knocked it out of the park in this one. The characters and situations couldn't be more different. I really can't say too much more, because I don't want to color expectations... but SEE THIS MOVIE.

The darker, grittier, less whimsical cousin to (500) Days of Summer. This film compares a failing marriage to the idealistic young relationship it used to be. A heartbreaking study of how circumstance both interferes with, as well as molds this love between Ryan Gosling's Dean and Michelle Williams' Cindy. It's not an easy movie to watch, but it definitely has a lot of important things to say. But best of all [SPOILER] the ending is ambiguous, so the viewer can choose whether or not they want a happy ending. [/SPOILER]

Talk about a rough life: your own father despises you, everyone compares you unfavorably to your dead mother in every possible way (not as pretty, charming, graceful...you name it,) and when you finally DO get a guy interested in you....everyone assumes it's only because you will inherit a lot of wealth some day. And worst of all? [SPOILER] They're right....well at least about the true intentions of the guy pursuing you. [/SPOILER] But all will be completely righted in the end for the spinster heiress. The last scene, and especially the last shot are incredibly satisfying.


What happens when 3 high school girls of different cliques discover that they're all dating (and being played by) the same guy? The answer is Mean Girls antics....except directed at a boy. But like Regina George, John Tucker manages to turn every sabotage into a positive. This forces them to revise their strategy from instead of trying to break his reputation, they try to break his heart by training the wallflower of their new found group that he hasn't dated, to become his perfect woman. This teen comedy is not great art (and head's up...their pranks are a little more scandalous than the ones in Mean Girls,) but I can't deny it was pretty entertaining and a great little relationship revenge flick.


Let's imagine a bizarro world where Jack LIVES and he and Rose live happily ever after...except it's set in the 1950's and by happily ever after I mean they kind of both hate their lives and what their marriage has become. Both seem to rotate between being very unsatisfied with their marriage...or loving it and being committed to making it work... and worst of all they always seem to be out of sync in their rotations. This movie is kind of a tribute to the melodrama's made in the 50's, but it's far more heavy and depressing. It's nice seeing these actors working together again and I certainly think it's well made....but if you're in the mood to watch a worn down depressing relationship movie then look no further than this!


George's Clooney's Ryan is never a believer of the idea of love. He goes to speaking engagements telling people the burdens that ANY relationship love has on a person. He doesn't want anything from anyone and he's certainly not looking for anything serious. He lives his life out of a suitcase and wants to be detached from the world because that's the best way to keep himself from hurting anyone or being hurt. He wants no burdens on his shoulder but the things that immediately concern himself. But then..... [SPOILER] He finally finds himself falling for a woman and starts getting comfortable with the idea of having a co-pilot in his life....someone to share his best moments with....but unfortunately she was just using him as a break from her "normal" life with her husband. Love is rough. So will he go back to his normal life of shutting people out? Or can he after he's discovered he prefers to have company? [/SPOILER] But hey at least all the people who were fired expressed how important their relationships were to them. One woman said, "It's not all about the money.Money can keep you warm. It pays your heating bills. It can buy you a blanket. But it doesn't keep you as warm as when my husband holds me." HEY LADY, I'll have you know my electric blanket keeps me PLENTY warm thank you!!!


This is one of those love stinks movies where you just need to hold out until the end when you end up with something better than you had before. But there's plenty of wallowing to be had here in the meantime...and that wallowing is really funny.  (Kind of like Better Off Dead...which would be another good option...) Plus wallowing over a dead relationship is a lot harder when you go on a vacation hoping to escape your ex, only to find her at the same resort with the new boyfriend who she cheated on you with. No matter....you'll strike up an instant attraction with the hotel's hostess and you'll be back on your feet in no time. And to speed up the process even more you can always write a muppet rock opera to lift your spirits.


Here's the adult version of John Tucker Must Die, but this time the ladies don't go for breaking the hearts of their exes... instead they go for breaking their wallets. Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler and Diane Keaton make a delightful trio and seeing them take revenge is especially fun if you're really in the mood for it!! Obviously this isn't some masterpiece, but it's entertaining and fun. And again, who doesn't like a little revenge now and then?? Plus these guys REALLY deserve it.


CLOSER - Wasn't able to see this one before posting, but it's about 2 couples who keep ruining each other's lives by cheating with each other. I saw one scene once of a tearful conversation between Natalie Portman and Jude Law's characters, and the emotion really struck with me in these words:

Dan: Deception is brutal, I'm not pretending otherwise.
Alice: How? How does it work? How do you do this to someone?
[Dan is silent]
Alice: Not good enough!

IN THE COMPANY OF MEN - Wasn't able to to see this one either before posting, but the plot just sounds brutal: Two business executives--one an avowed misogynist, the other recently emotionally wounded by his love interest--set out to exact revenge on the female gender by seeking out the most innocent, uncorrupted girl they can find and ruining her life.

WAR OF THE ROSES - I did watch this one, but it was too much of a mixed bag for my tastes...but still noteworthy. If you want to see two unlikable people destroy themselves, as well as everything they own in an ugly divorce battle you might enjoy this....but the movie is kind of all over the place.

INTOLERABLE CRUELTY - I was only able to watch the first half of this, but it was a good little black comedy once again about divorce proceedings... this time: A revenge-seeking gold digger marries a womanizing Beverly Hills lawyer with the intention of making a killing in the divorce.

Well that ought to do it! Man....love is rough.


Joey said...

I don't know what it means that I now want to see all of these movies.

You know, Woody Allen is so funny. He's sometimes like the Coen brothers, in that when you read him; you see the brilliant crafting of the humor. I love that movie.

I would recommend The Heiress to anyone and everyone. One of my favorite movies and amazing performances all around. Olivia DeHavilland earned a well-deserved Oscar for this one. The music also won (Aaron Copeland) and it's incredible.

I saw War of the Roses. One of the ones that you probably only really get if you've been divorced. :)

Great post!

Sarah said...

First Wives Club is one of my favorites. One of my favorite parts to quote? When Diane Keaton screams "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorrrrrry!"

How funny that Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas could be so great for each other in Romancing the Stone and sooooo wrong for each other in War of the Roses. It must have been a fun movie for them to make.

Emily said...

This was a fun list to write and prep for. And agreed about the pairing of Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas! It must have indeed been a fun movie for them to film. How random Danny DeVito is in it too! Also, I wasn't aware that this was the film Olivia De Havilland got an oscar for! It's definitely well deserved. She transitions the character so well!

Joey said...

Up in the Air was so sad a movie. Someone should make room for George Clooney.

I think Danny DeVito directed that movie. Funny that they were all in Romancing the Stone together.

Howard said...

If a couple watches In The Company of Men together, then I think they should watch Body Heat, too, as a double feature. That way, the woman's hatred for men will be balanced by the man's hatred for women. :)

Funny story about Revolutionary Road. I rented it from Red Box after reading the description, and we (my wife and I) hated it. So depressing! Some time later, while perusing Red Box's catalog, I read the description and rented it again, forgetting that we had already seen it. Part way through we realized what we were watching, but finished it anyway. Still hated it! It's become a joke around our house now: "Have we ever seen Revolutionary Road?"