I've made a HUGE mistake!

So now that Valentine's Day is over, let's get real and talk about the couples who probably WON'T be celebrating a 50th Anniversary....to be honest, I don't know if I even give one of these couples ONE year! Included are one or two movie characters that DEFINITELY chose the wrong option when they had a perfectly good backup waiting for them (AKA pretty much any movie James Marsden has ever appeared in as said backup...) or all around just decided to be with the wrong person in a very unrealistic relationship. My friend Kent did one awhile back that you can find HERE. I'll admit a few of his picks were too good not to use, so they're about to make a re-appearance (minus Star Wars...shame on you!) Cracked also did one you can read HERE. Though seriously what's with all the Han/Leia hate!? But anyway...on to the couples that really aren't gonna make it.

KNOCKED-UP - Forget everyone thinking she's way out of his league. What really matters is what THEY think of EACH OTHER. The real reason this won't work is that she believes she's too good for him too! She demeans him at every turn...and we are supposed to believe they'll be able to raise this baby together?? If she always thinks she is better than him there's gonna be problems....couples should realistically feel like they're both on the same playing ground. Maybe she is more of a catch than he is...but that is kind of an unhealthy relationship to be in then if you think you are world's above your significant other! The only thing keeping them together is the baby who they will both someday hate for trapping them into a forced, loveless relationship.

THE LITTLE MERMAID - I already dedicated a whole blog to ranting about Beauty and the Beast HERE, but let's be honest...Eric & Ariel doesn't have much of a shot either. Let's go with the obvious first....they haven't even shared a single real conversation! Their interaction is the equivalent of a game of charades. When she gets her voice back I'm pretty sure the only thing she says to him is "Eric I tried to tell you!!" But somehow they wind up instantly engaged once she has her legs back? Sorry guys...but you're just asking for it. PLUS that's not even mentioning the fact that Ariel is SIXTEEN YEARS OLD!!! (Sorry hun....you ARE still a child.) She's never before been independent in her life and suddenly we're supposed to believe she's going to make a marriage work with almost a complete stranger....oh and she'll pretty much never be able to go "home" again....unless she travels to the future and picks up some scuba gear....Yeah, that's a recipe for disaster.

How is this for a romantic ending: Ryan Reynolds proposes to witchy Sandra Bullock because he feels guilty about her deportation. "Marry me...because I'd like to date you." Nice try...but if you get married the pressure will ALWAYS be there on your relationship. Plus I'm sorry...but she's a B. Oh but but but...she just needed to meet his family to become a nicer person...nah not buying it. That witch will return you can count on it. These two had a far better friendship chemistry to me...I did not buy a romantic love between them at all...and neither will their characters in the long run. She'll become insecure about why he married her...and he'll long for his younger, sweeter ex-girlfriend who he should have picked in the first place.

SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE - Can we just talk about the fact that Meg Ryan's character is a stalker...and that these two have no idea whether or not they would ACTUALLY be mfeo (made for each other) All their relationship is based on is that she thinks he sounds like a nice guy from what she's heard on the radio. They've never really talked! She flew halfway across the country to try and bump into him!! The guy should be getting a restraining order! But somehow this is some classic rom com...(probably because Meg Ryan just looks so pretty in this movie that no one wants to label her for what she is.) Their romance has about as much basis as me and JGL. Too bad he doesn't have some precocious kid that thinks WE are destined to be together....

THE GRADUATE -  This movie really does have one of the best endings of all time. After the huge romantic gesture of interrupting a wedding and whisking away, the bride on a bus....these two are sure to last right? Well, not really. The answer is right there plain on their faces...the "what now?" of it all. Plenty of cause for that expression since the decision was based far more on rebellious impulse than the actual desire to be with each other. They had one date for crying out loud!!! And an awful date I might add. I think both of them just like the idea of each other when it comes down to it...(His idea of her is she is a younger, baggage-less model of Mrs. Robinson...and she'll actually hold a conversation with him.) Oh and did I mention it might be awkward with her family since he kind of had a months-long affair with her mother??? She's not gonna abandon her family forever...and neither one of her parents will ever be warming to the idea of heir daughter with Benjamin...

LITTLE WOMEN - This has to be the worst offender on this list of someone who had the perfect match in front of them...but wasn't satisfied with the idea of being married to someone who also happens to be their best friend. Laurie is far ahead of the professor in every way. But noooo Jo was too snobby and felt she needed to hold out for someone intellectually superior to Laurie. One day she'll learn how valuable friendship is in a marriage...and also how important it is to laugh. The professor won't ever be able to accomplish that...let's be honest. Also by refusing Laurie, Jo sets up another doomed relationship besides her own... because Laurie's rebound with Amy is almost even more troubling. His basis for marriage is because he wanted to become a member of the family...but let's be honest...his real intention is just to keep Jo close. Curse the day when Amy finally figures that one out...

PRETTY WOMAN -  Once again I think it is pertinent to bring up the duration of this relationship between an incredibly wealthy man and...his hooker. One week. ONE WEEK from the time he meets her, until she tells him that she is in love with him and that she hopes for a fairy tale ending and bla bla bla. Sorry but it's way too soon! Moving her across the country to be with you is just going to put tons if pressure on this relationship. She will have no life outside of him...and they will both feel the strain. Yes I can make all the obvious observations about her being a prostitute but can we talk about him for a second?! His character never really gets the depth that is teased the whole film...but really is a guy who is willing to spend $4,000 for a week with a prostitite really such a catch? Clearly he's got just as many issues as her and I wouldn't want to touch either of them with a ten foot pole (and hopefully the pole would be immune to all the STD's...)

PRETTY IN PINK - Stuck up rich guy, cowardly rich guy or flamboyant best friend...what's a gal to choose? Apparently the coward I guess. I know Ducky is kind of weird...but that's because he is so desperate to get out of the friend zone he will do anything just to be noticed! It makes zero sense for Andie to get back together with Blane in this film...he is weak and does whatever he is influenced to do. This problem isn't going to go away just because for some reason liked the fugly dress you wore to prom. If anyone else suggested to him how ugly that dress was you can be sure he wouldn't have been seen with her. Ducky on the other hand loved Andie for Andie...but he probably had some issues too. Realistically none of them would probably work out since they're all in high school....but Ducky probably has more of a desire to be with her and make it work.

AVATAR - Does it really take that much convincing with this one?? They're different species for goodness sake!!! There was no connection! Sam Worthington's character was probably just super horny from being away from normal women for so long (Sigourney Weaver and Michelle Rodriguez don't count obviously as normal...) Their connection is not much more than two hippies bonding over saving the earth. Go back to earth dude and find someone of your own species!!

ENCHANTED -  The longer Gisele stays in the land of New York, the more grounded and down to earth she will become. Once her IQ gets a bit bigger she might regret settling down with the first guy she dated...a guy with a bit too much baggage. Plus Patrick Dempsey's character is a total stiff. For a girl who lived in a magical fairy tale world...his average earthly charms will wear off as she realizes she married the most boring guy she could have picked. Besides...I had to choose at least one James Marsden role! She might not have known Prince Edward very well either..but hey the guy is funny! He could have made her laugh for the rest of her life! And I'm positive they had much more in common. Once monotony sets in...she's gonna be sorry.

And that concludes the Valentine's posts! Now it's time to focus our attentions back on the upcoming Academy Awards. Let me know which of the V-Day posts were your favorite, as well as what you thought of this list!


Sarah said...

GREAT list! I've always thought Meg Ryan's character was such a stalker in Sleepless in Seattle. However, Tom Hanks is just so charming in this movie and the other characters are so much fun, it works.

Also, Jo and Laurie belonged together. Louisa May Alcott was ALL wrong.

I still think you should do a post on couples who have a significant other who is NOT healthy for them. Like Double Indemnity.

Emily said...

Yeah maybe next year! I'll have to come up with a whole new set of ideas a year from now!!

courtney wightman said...

"their connection is not much more than two hippies bonding over saving the earth." hahaha! and yesyesyes jo and laurie FOREVER!

Emily said...

Yeah I guess I forgot to say in the blog but will do so now..... WHO DOESN'T PICK CHRISTIAN BALE!!!??? Seriously though. You pick Gabriel Byrne over Christian Bale....you must be outta your mind!

Joey said...

You were very, very insightful on these. Some good lessons from the movies!

And you are right about the need for humor and friendship in marriage.

And I would read the book and keep imagining a different ending when she ended up with Laurie. That movie version makes it the worst when Laurie proposes to Amy. Seriously, I'm supposed to be in your family woos her? Wouldn't me!!!!