Boatloads of Fun

Since I liked the format so much of the State Fair blog in combining movies and mayhem, we'll do that again with movies set on cruise ships vs. my own experience on my recent cruise to the Mexican Riviera. Fortunately for me, there was a lot less chaos involved on my trip. So what cinematic cruises do we have to put up against mine? Unfortunately only disastrous ones. Titanic, The Poseidon Adventure and its mediocre remake Poseidon, and lastly (and certainly least) Speed 2: Cruise Control. I thought of a few other non-disaster boat films such as Overboard (but it's a yacht, and most of the movie doesn't take place on it..), An Affair to Remember (which I only have a foggy memory of...the only thing I recall is melodrama) , and Now Voyager (which I have sadly not seen.) And if we were talking t.v. and I'd seen it, I would include The Love Boat...but since we're not...........disaster boat films it is! Now let's get to the comparisons. But first... apparently all I needed to do was look up films made in 1997..


THEIRS: This is a category where all the films, with the exception of Speed 2 really shine. Both of ships decor (pre-disaster) in the Poseidon movies were top notch. Grand and elegant just as a boat should be. But it's hard to get a great look when the disaster begins right at the beginning of the film. Titanic blows everything out of the water (no pun intended.) ship-wise. The set designer there did a fantastic job recreating the ship of dreams. The first class areas of the ship are absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. The exterior of the ship too is marvelous and classic. All of the movie ships looked good be they real or fake.

MINE: The outside was fine. A boat is a boat. But the inside was one of the fugliest things I've ever seen. Timeless and classy it wasn't. Dated and tacky it was. This thing came straight from the 80's and should have stayed there. I really wish I would have taken pictures of how bad it was, but I will do my best to describe. On the walls near the elevator, there were hot pink donut designs everywhere. In the walls near the cabins, there were huge drawings of people that were supposed to be in the old-timey comic style...but were absolutely awful. The dining room was supposed to be a pearl motif but looked more like a science experiment. Tacky carpet and weird chandeliers galore. But now let's say some nice things... Uh...the decks were nice? And there was a little mini golf course. That was nice.

WINNER: Titanic


THEIRS: Well let's see. The plot of both Poseidon films are the same, but the execution is worlds apart. The original is considered the first disaster film, so if it seems cliche it's just because it's the model everyone else copied. It has its share of annoying characters but Gene Hackman is fantastic and Shelly Winters is solid. The ending is full of hope and, all in all, the film is great. The remake? The definition of a stupidly entertaining popcorn film. Neither voyage would be one I would want to live through, but the remake is much worse if only for this, which one IMDB user described as the least heroic act ever put to film:

Speaking of stupid things put to film let's talk about Speed 2! The voyage here is equally as perilous as the Poseidon's but far more stupid and implausible. And the grand plot behind it all? A disgruntled cruise employee. You can't make this stuff up. This movie is so bad it's bad...but don't worry it's sprinkled with unintentional hilarity throughout mainly coming by way of the script. One of my favorite lines? When a pair of newlyweds exclaim "How could this happen to us!? We're on our honeymoon!" Another great would have to be "Can't somebody stop this boat!?" which I felt like was uttered a few times..

And finally there's Titanic. We all know the tragic real outcome (yes this was a real event unlike some uneducated fools would have you believe...) so I won't make any tasteless jokes even though it was 100 years ago. As for the movie, the first half of the voyage in the eyes of those on first class was quite the life! But not worth having to experience the second half.

MINE: Definitely not as entertaining as all the others...but probably in a good way! Our voyage was probably the definition of lazy. But we did some stuff! Saw some shows, went to the movies, visited the photo gallery, played games, played mini golf, laid out and subsequently got scorched, exercised a bit, etc. And then there was the ultimate entertainment: the fact that French Stewart was on the same cruise as us, and counting the times we would run into him. My favorite? When I stumbled upon French Stewart and his wife singing karaoke. Don't worry I have a video of it. Ask me sometime and I'll show you :)

WINNER: Mine. For relaxation alone!


THEIRS: Let's see. In Titanic, the destination ends up being an iceberg....in Poseidon Adventure/Poseidon theirs would be just getting out of the boat period. And finally, in Speed 2 the boat crashes into the island of St. Martin in the Caribbean (yes you read that right. crashes into an island) By default, I guess we have to pick Speed 2: Cruise Control, though I must say I wouldn't want to be anywhere near that island when that boat came around. Then again, almost everyone unrealistically survived so maybe it wouldn't have been a big deal.

MINE: I had sooooo much fun at our stop in Puerto Vallarta. We took a little speedboat and went zipping past some beauuuuuuuuuuutyful arches in the ocean. Then we went horseback riding up a mountain to swim in a gorgeous waterfall. After that more speed boating to a remote location where we went snorkeling (AKA what I'm pretty sure heaven is like..) then, we relaxed at a private beach. So secluded and wonderful. It was a perfect day. Minus the fact that my skin got absolutely FRIED.

The next two days were spent in Cabo San Lucas and they were amazing. On day one I went para-sailing and then explored the beach on my own. Day two was more beach time and more snorkeling. The arch and the beach was incredible and the water was the most beautiful shade of blue you can think of.

WINNER: Mine :)


THEIRS: Okay this one is pretty much N/A for the trio Speed 2 and the Poseidons since there was no time to even THINK about food with all that destruction. But the dinner parties and food in Titanic was most likely top notch and definitely looked that way from the film. In faaaaaaaaaaact, last April my fam did some research on it and made some of the recipes that were likely on the Titanic and they were absolutely delectable. You can read more about that  HERE

MINE: You know, the food on my cruise was a lot more hit or miss than it was on the cruise I took 8 years ago to the Caribbean where everything was marvelous. But obviously it was still incredible and I sufficiently gorged myself. One of my favorite things to eat are the fruit bisque soups. Of the nights I was there I tried a strawberry mint, peach, cherry and a mango ginger bisque. All were wonderful. I also had some pretty great desserts including a grand marnier souffle, the usual creme brulee and a bread pudding with chocolate sauce. All wonderful. Is it kinda sad that I don't remember all the main courses I got? Mostly just chicken and pastas really. But I also enjoyed getting a fresh baguette with butter for each meal too. As for the buffet...that was the more hit and miss part. The Italian and French buffets left little to be desired. But the Indian food was incredible. And of course the never-ending soft serve was always welcome :)

WINNER: Well, I'll still pick mine since I was always allowed to have as much of it as I wanted. But second would go to Titanic.



I think Amelia was really affected by the love story in Speed 2: Cruise Control. It took a runaway cruise ship crashing into an island and being held hostage (on jet skiis no less) by a raving Willem Dafoe for Sandra Bullock to overcome her commitment issues...that right there was just so moving. Haha just kidding. This part of the film was just as laughable as the rest of the film. Plus we got treated to some pretty sloppy writing as they had to explain away Keanu's absence and introduce Sandra's replacement love intrest. ha. I have to say though, props to Keanu for passing. That may have been his wisest career move....well that or The Matrix.

In The Poseidon Adventure probably the best love story was the aging couple on their way to see their grandson. The cop and ex-prostitute didn't do it for me and Gene Hackman weirdly had a bit of chemistry with a girl far younger than him but that was it. As for the remake, Gene Hackman is replaced by Josh Lucas (or you could debate Kurt Russell) whose chemistry is replaced with a single mother with a son as opposed to a young girl with a brother. There is zero character development on either end so it's barely worth mentioning at all. Oh and also Emmy Rossum and Mike Vogel as a young couple too nervous to tell her dad that they're engaged. Also a yawnfest. However I must mention how funny it is that they show Richard Dreyfuss' gay character flirting with a guy he kills moments later (in the video I showed above). Stay classy Poseidon.

And finally: Rose and her fiancé Cal. Oh wait I mean Jack and Rose. Haha! I've never really thought that this was the most well-written romance to hit the screen...but I will admit they sure have some iconic and sweet moments (uh minus the whole "draw me like one of your French girls" thing... haha) Compared to the others this one wins in a landslide.

MINE: I actually did have a little tale to tell. A tale resulting in nothing...which is a shame because it made for a pretty great meet cute. I met an insanely cute guy on lovers beach (of all places in the world) who was currently attending the same school I graduated from. Tragically it wasn't meant to be as nothing came from it but a nice conversation (I blame circumstances beyond our control....because that makes it more interesting right?) True shame because someone would have finally found some meaning to the Rihanna song "we found love in a hopeless place" Oh well. Maybe on my next cruise... Haha! I guess the real love story worth telling is between me and my appreciation for the beautiful earth we live in? Because I gotta say, I looooooove the opportunity I get to see all of it....which reminds me, the blog has an IOU for a Tahiti/New Zealand post..

Well that ought to do it. Hopefully you enjoyed my vacation recap with the movie comparison. Look out for a Tahiti/NZ one...maybe....


Joey said...

Sadly, the only movie I saw was the original Poseidon Adventure. It was the in movie to watch for the summer and my friends and I walked to the old Vista Theater (now Desert Star) and saw it 4 or 5 times. My friends all liked to shout along with Eric Shea when he told his big sister to "Shove it, shove it, shove it." Is that even a phrase that is used now? At any rate, that's as racy as I got in junior high. But, you know, it was a good movie. Spoilers alert...always had a weird crush on Roddy McDowell and he dies in it. :(

The food we made was to die for (the night of the Titanic dinner), so I would have to vote for that.

And what kind of a world is it when a young whipper snapper like you has been on two cruises and I have never set foot on any boat that was bigger than the ferry that took me to tour Alcatraz? No fair!

Laurie & Clint said...

That is funny. Well I'm glad your cruise was better than life ending destructive and chaotic misadventures in the movies!

Emily said...

Haha! I think we're all glad of that!

Sarah said...

I COMPLETELY forgot (or blocked out) that scene from Poseidon! It's terrible! How could anyone live with themselves knowing that they had shaken a survivor off of them in order to save themselves. Horrible stuff!

As for Speed 2, I totally need to watch that! I could use a good laugh. :)

And yes, Titanic is melodramatic, but I still enjoy it. I have always been fascinated by the Titanic.

In regards to your trip, it looks like you had a great time! I had plenty of "meet cutes" in real life. None of them turned into anything either. :) All of my relationships had pretty commonplace meetings. :)

Amelia said...

You are right in many ways I was affected by the love story in Speed 2 haha. But basically the lesson I learned from Speed 2 is if you're going to be in a crazy boat catastrophe stay far away from the obnoxious countdown guy. 14 knots. 9 knots. 2 knots. 1 knot. 1 knot. 1 knot. I was ready to get on the jet ski with Willem Dafoe.

Unknown said...

For some weird reason, the most memorable thing on my cruise was the first time I tried escargot. :D