Ew. The Top Ten Most Repulsive Movie Kisses of All Time

ETA: I saw this after the fact, but the throwup kiss in Gentlemen Broncos beats every movie kiss on this list. So as I mentioned briefly in my last blog, while watching that disgusting kiss in Minority Report I was inspired for another post...and here it is! These kisses are THE WORST. I looked up a lot of lists and tried including some different stuff than most people had, but there were some tried and true terrible kisses that I just had to include in my list too. However, I again decided to only include kisses from movies I've personally seen...unlike the fantastic picture here to the right. Oh George...what would we do without the creation of Howard the Duck? (Well some of us would probably sleep a little easier at night actually...) So without further ado...

10. BACK TO THE FUTURE. Look! Lea Thompson again! Haha. Poor Marty....he's in a bit of a tough spot here. The only scheme he can think of to get his parents together is to make his dad look like the tough guy by rescuing his mom from....himself. Ugh. However Marty is far too much of a...chicken... to go through with it (and who can really blame him?) But Lorraine had thoughts of her own on the matter and makes the first move anyway...with hilarious and awkward results (Michael J. Fox's face is certainly priceless.) Don't worry, this isn't the only mother/son kiss on the list!

9. HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE. Okay, yes I'm including this one out of spite...but it makes me cringe every time. I know it's not the filmmakers fault they cast some bland poor little actress back in the second film for what they thought would be a minor part, and little did they know she'd end up being the main hero's love interest... Not much you can do there. But this girl is as stiff as a board. No charisma or screen presence whatsoever...and to be perfectly honest their kiss kind of reminds me of #5 on the list (you can guess which one since there are two #5's and either way would be right)

8. BLADES OF GLORY. Jenna Fischer and Jon Heder share a kiss that in interviews they described as two never-been-kissed people going at it for the first time. Well let's hope not all people's first time is as terrible as that. This kiss is definitely done for laughs but still really grosses me out. It actually reminds me a lot of this kiss from the TLC series The Virgin Diaries. Sadly this couple had never kissed before either...what a terrible terrible pattern. TLC = FREAK SHOW TELEVISION.

7. MINORITY REPORT. Not only is this kiss gross...it is so completely out there and has to pretty much make everyone scratch their heads when they saw it. In fact, it's actually become part of the FAQ on the IMDb's page of the movie. Uh...why does that old bag just decide to kiss Tom Cruise on the mouth out of NO WHERE? Answer.. uh....she's crazy!! Haha yeah, well whatever the reason it is disturbing indeed.

From 2:00-2:26

6. THE SHINING. The only thing worse than kissing that old bag? Realizing mid-makeout that you're actually kissing a corpse. Which is what Jack Torrence from The Shining happens to discover after meeting what he thought was a beautiful woman....but actually happened to be a decaying corpse. Tough break bro.

5. TIE HAROLD AND MAUDE. The next best thing to kissing a corpse is kissing Maude from Harold & Maude. I don't really remember anything about this movie except as a teenager when I watched it I was perpetually grossed out the entire time watching this relationship blossom between an 80-year-old woman and a dude that couldn't have been older than his early 20's IF THAT. Yeah it supposedly taught messages of living life in the moment and blah blah blah...he's making out with an 80-year-old woman! This is not romantic, it's disgusting!

Luckily for y'all the picture doesn't even do it justice of how gross it is.

5. TIE PLANET OF THE APES. How do we one up an individual kissing a corpse or an 80-year old woman...why how about a super-intelligent monkey! This is definitely a kiss you can't help but be taken out of a movie with...it's just bizarre.

4. DUMB & DUMBER. I pretty much saw this one on every list I found...and there's definitely a reason. We know it's done for laughs...but it really doesn't make it any less painful or disgusting.

3. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. Riddle me this....what's worse than kissing a corpse, an 80-year old woman or a monkey? The answer? Angela Lansbury! And add in the fact that she's your MOM on top of that. And NO I'm not talking about an innocent peck (which I will admit, I still am not really comfortable with..) But a full on KISS.

2. THE INNOCENTS. With all of this talk of old women on the list, isn't it about time we included a child? This kiss is straight up CREEPY. I found the best description of it on a youtube video (which again, is it not creepy people are making fan videos of this "relationship"?) "In this disturbing scene the child Miles, who is possessed by the spirit of an adult, is put to bed by the Governess played by Deborah Kerr. He asks her to kiss him goodnight and kisses her fully on the lips and for a brief second she reciprocates which makes it all the more unsettling." Unsettling to say the least... definitely a what the HECK moment.

1. STAR WARS: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. Star Wars wins again! But NOT in a good way. This one has just always grossed me out. Even when you didn't know the lineage...Luke probably looks his absolute worst in this scene and the whole thing is just awful. But any time after watching Return of the Jedi you can't help but want to die every time you see the satisfaction on Luke's face after the deed. Not only is it a disgusting kiss, but he ENJOYED IT!! I think that's the reason it clinches the top spot. THAT and the fact that I found so many silly videos dedicated to it (though not always the best edited...still good for a laugh.)Yeah we know she was doing it to make Han jealous but...come on girl there are better ways! Especially creepy when in Jedi Luke informs her of their relationship she responds with "I know...somehow I've always known." Really!? Even then?

It's totally the music that makes me laugh hard here..

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: Everyone says I love you (which I have never seen but came across while researching this blog and yeah Woody Allen and Julia Roberts IS bad), The Terminal (not in the same league then....maybe now though!), A lot of lists included the final kiss from Ghost. As it is, it's a dumb kiss...but not repulsive. Had he actually kissed her when he was possessing Whoopi Goldberg I'd definitely agree though. Also I'm gonna say that kiss in It's A Wonderful Life...so violent and not in a good way! AND if I was including t.v. kisses (other than the aforementioned Virgin Diaries kiss), I'd also include a kiss Annie imagines Jeff and Britta having in season 2 of Community. Sarah also mentioned the Christian Bale and Winona Ryder spit trail kiss in Little Women as well as the kind of out of control Richard Gere and Julia Ormond kiss in First Knight. Are you people animals!?

Also if you can't get enough of terrible kisses here are a few more lists:
(FYI the Step-brothers one is very R-rated..)
very similar to mine, but I promise I only found this list when I was in picture finding mode!
Mentioned all of these at one point, but CAN'T believe they included The Return of the King kiss. I actually really like that one....but uh not that version of it.

So which ones do you think are the worst? Any I missed?


Joey said...

Oh, I was totally going to say the Little Women spitty kiss. It probably had a hand in ruining Winona Ryder's career.

I, too, have never liked the one in "It's a Wonderful Life." It seems so....un Jimmy Stewart like and who would want a guy who loved/hated you like that?

And, hey, I watch TLC! But, yeah, it's freak tv.

Emily said...

Haha well at least you can admit it. I just looked up the little women kiss on youtube, and everyone in the comments agree that Louisa May Alcott made a HUGE mistake not letting those two end up together haha.

Sarah said...

That video of The Virgin Diaries is absolutely AWFUL! Geez louise, people! Just because it's your first time, it doesn't mean you have to embarrass yourself and everyone around you. Just give each other a sweet peck on the lips and figure out the logistics of it all when you are alone together. After a first kiss like that, we should be grateful that nothing else was documented. I shudder to think about the learning curve that went on during their honeymoon! Ewww!

Those are all some pretty bad kisses. Thanks for putting in my two honorable mentions (the kiss between Christian Bale and Winona Ryder in Little Women that leaves a foot-long spit trail and the Richard Gere turned cannibal kiss from First Knight. He totally looks like he is trying to eat her!).

The Manchurian Candidate and The Innocents are pretty chilling. In the case of The Innocents, I don't know how Deborah Kerr was even able to do that as an actress.

I've never seen it, but doesn't Nicole Kidman have to do some sort of crap like that in her movie "Birth?"

Sometimes "acting" gets a little too close to reality and maybe they should just hint at some things for artistic purposes rather than full-on showing it. Yuck.

Sarah said...

Oh, and the kiss between Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt in As Good As It Gets is a pretty bad one...even when they go for round two and it's supposed to be a better kiss.

Also, you can learn some things from the movies. I hadn't had much kissing experience either, but I was a dang good kisser from the get-go thanks to the movies! Thank you very much. And I'm sorry for any gross-outs that this information may have caused my family.

Emily said...

Oh yeah I forgot that Jack Nicholson/Helen Hunt one. That one IS bad. And it's too bad that virgin couple hadn't watched more movies then eh?

Andy W. said...

Just a bit of trivia, but did you know that kiss in Dumb & Dumber takes places at Utah's own LaCaille? In fact, most of that dream sequence does.

Great list, though. I might have included the Nicole Kidman one in Birth (where she kisses a 10 year old boy).

Andy W. said...

Just a bit of trivia, but did you know that kiss in Dumb & Dumber takes places at Utah's own LaCaille? In fact, most of that dream sequence does.

Great list, though. I might have included the Nicole Kidman one in Birth (where she kisses a 10 year old boy).

Mom said...

I think that Little Women deserves the same edited ending that we all gave "Young At Heart." Doris Day should never end up with Frank Sinatra. Jo should end up with Laurie.

Oh, and Harold and Maude didn't bug me. But I understand that I may be the only one not disturbed. I was lost in the message. Or maybe it's because I'm an older woman. ;)

As Good As It Gets is not that bad. Her blind date is worse. Can you count licking her face as a bad kiss? Disgusting!!!

Amelia said...

Great list, but I cannot make it through that TLC promo without cringing. I agree with Sarah: Ewwwwwwww!

Unknown said...

While the "Goodnight" kiss between the Governess and Miles was bad, I found the end kiss much more disturbing. It really seemed that Miss Giddens was caught up in the sexual tension of the kiss instead of surprise like the first one. Now that was EWWWW!