Top Ten Worst of 2011

CAUTION!! Extremely long blog post follows. It's mostly in list form so that makes it okay right?

Okay, I knowwwwwwww I need to come out with my Top Ten of 2011 already. But I still just want to watch Melancholia and My Week With Marilyn (because seriously, 2011 is sparse enough as it is,) but I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Until then.... I have decided it is time to post the Top Ten Worst of 2011 annnnnnnnnnd in another (shorter) blog post incredibly soon to follow: the Top Ten Unwatchables of 2011. Enjoy!! We'll start with the worst ones that I saw.

THE WORST (Get off the stage and never show yourselves again, you movies are THE WORST!!)                        

10. The Beaver. Read my original review HERE. This movie was just toooooooo weird for me to get behind. When I can't suspend my belief for a film with a pretty crazy premise, it's realllllly hard to take it seriously. As a result, this movie was too melodramatic and painful for me to watch.

9. The Roommate. Okay, this movie clearly knows it is dumb, but at the same time that doesn't really change how dumb it is. You know what you're getting into putting this one on, but it still isn't even really the kitschy dumb fun you'd hope for....just predictably dumb.

8. Red Riding Hood. Ditto to what I said about The Roommate, but this one is even worse. It could have reveled in the soap opera drama/horror and embraced it, instead it was pretty boring for as entertaining as it could have been. I wanted it to be laughably bad, but it was more boring bad. Shame. So much potential.

7. One Day. Original review HERE.  I wanted to like this movie so badly. The preview looked promising and I liked the storytelling concept. When the highly mediocre reviews came out, I was still determined to see it and keep an open mind and maybe just maybe I would still like it. While I was in the theater, I noticed even in the beginning there was always something off about it. Throughout the whole thing, something was just missing....but even still it wasn't THAT bad....or so I thought. Then it reaches this point....this anti-climactic point where it keeps going and you KNOW that is never a good thing because it means a dumb twist is around the corner to ruin the whole already mediocre movie. So then once it is finished, you feel that not only was the movie dumb, but it cheated you as the audience and there's really nothing worse than that.....oh except that there's still 6 movies that ranked higher (or is it lower haha) than this one left on the list!

6. Crazy Stupid Love.  Original review HERE. Most people will think I'm pretty harsh for ranking this movie so high, let alone putting it on my list at all. I'll admit, the movie isn't THAT bad....but yet it is. This movie ranks up here purely for principle because I HATE so much hearing the words "Well it's better than most other chick flicks." Just because it was a piece of poo that maybe looks a little bit nicer than most other poo does not mean that it is a masterpiece or worthy of recognition! It is still poo!!! (Sorry, movies of this caliber don't even deserve the food analogy.) Obviously looking at this list and seeing how many of the movies on here were made with women in mind it IS disappointing that there really are so few quality films of this genre made these day. But that doesn't mean we have to lower our standards and accept something that is just a little less mediocre than the rest, let alone PRAISE it (because the really good ones DO still exist.) This movie has so many unnecessary plotlines and some frankly cringeworthy moments that fit right in with the formula of the genre and these flaws must be recognized (I am totally Elaine Benes on this one). Ugh! That said, as I have said before the movie isn't ALL bad. Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone are pretty much the only people who keep it from being unwatchable. It's a shame the movie wasn't more focused because if it were more about them and less about other people I would have really liked it.

5. Apollo 18. Original review HERE. I'm not going to lie. It probably would be more entertaining watching paint dry than watching this movie. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

4. What's Your Number? Yeah....another bad chick flick. This one had such potential too. I really like Anna Faris, and I just looooove Chris Evans, but this movie was just awful....painfully awful. There came a point in this movie where it literally was giving me pain to try and finish it. It was soooo dumb. Every stupid trope from a romantic comedy was there to a tee. I'm thinking maybe I should make a BINGO card for romantic comedy tropes you can play with anytime you put on the latest Hollywood clunker rom-com. This one would give you a blackout for sure. I don't think I laughed once during the whole movie. Just remembering it right now makes me angry, so I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. Just take my word for it, it was baaaaaad.

3. New Year's Eve. Original review HERE. You would do pretty well with that BINGO card I previously mentioned here as well. It was really a toss-up which was worse between this and What's Your Number because I have similar complaints with each. However, I would say this one edges it out because it's even MORE formulaic annnnnnnnd with so many characters there's even less care spent and hardly any depth or character development. Also, you just KNOW that this film is a cash in and you can tell because there is hardly anyone who is giving this movie anything other than a phoned-in performance. Also, prettty much all of the plotlines are awful. I really could go on and on, but I already did in the blog post I originally wrote for it! Haha!

2. Waiting For Forever. Original review HERE. This movie is creepy as heck. It's like a bad train wreck that you just can't turn away from but you really REALLY should. Stalker with clear mental problems and no personal responsibility is the main love interest and protagonist? You know that's gotta be good right? But still not as bad as..........

1. Something Borrowed.  Original review HERE. Yep this one has got to be the worst. It has everything those other movies have and more (formula, awfulness, etc.) excepppppppppppt for the fact that it not only sqaunders the only likable person in the cast, but it craps all over him after setting him up as the only person you care what happens to. Bad movies are one thing, but bad movies where you detest everrrrry character except for one that they happen to treat like crap? Unbearable. I wanted to screaaaaaaaaam during this movie. Not unlike this:

Dishonorable Mentions: Cowboys & Aliens - soooooo much wasted potential and absolutely forgettable. I hardly remember a dang thing about the movie. Water For Elephants - boring, manipulative and hardly any romantic chemistry between Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson.


Joey said...

I have seen a couple of those and you are spot on. And you bring up an interesting point about how many of them are geared toward women. What is so hard about writing for women? Or is it that people think they are so easy to write for that they write down to them? Pretty insulting if the latter is the case.

I am beginning to think that the more powerful women roles were pre-women's liberation. Seriously the 30's, 40's and 50's had powerful, interesting women stories. Watch Stage Door if you want to see a good one. Yes, some of them look dated, but the women are intelligent, interesting, feminine, and powerful.

Sarah said...

Ha ha! I love your ten worst lists! And I totally want you to make a predictable rom-com Bingo game! You really should! You could sell them and make money off of them! But you should sell them in a set: rom-com Bingo, science fiction Bingo, western Bingo, etc.

Allison said...

Hey, I liked Cowboys and Aliens, and think about it often! You probably didn't take it very seriously... haha.

Amelia said...

So many people warned me about Something Borrowed I never even bothered to check it out. It sounds like that was the right decision.

Unknown said...

I have not seen any of these movies, but my sister just got "New Year's Eve" from the library. I guess after reading this post, I'll pass on watching it. I did watch "Water for Elephants and I agree - there was no romantic chemistry between Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson.