So last week Laurie and I went to the library to get some movies to watch when Thomas would be napping. Among those films we took home, Laurie found and tragically brought into her home one of the worst movies, if not THE worst movie I have ever seen. And that, I realize, is a bold claim. But Laurie agreed. I thought it looked dumb as soon as I heard the title, but after reading the box I figured it would be a so bad it's a hilarious movie...I was wrong.
The offender? A romantic comedy with a past her age to be making rom-coms, Kim Basinger (it was 2004) and John Corbett entitled Elvis Has Left the Building. Nothing more than the DVD cover attracted Laurie, and I went with it for the sake that maybe the silly plot would still make me laugh (i.e. Over Her Dead Body) We should have seen it coming, but I hoped for a campy good time with this tagline: They're on the road...to true love. And this plot description: Harmony Jones (Basinger) is a traveling cosmetic saleswoman whose life is shaped by an early encounter with the King himself. That life takes an ugly turn when she inadvertently kills an Elvis impersonator and flees the scene. On the run from the FBI, Harmony discovers to her horror that she suddenly has a knack for leaving dead Elvis performers in her wake. Her hopes for avoiding all things Elvis are dashed when a handsome man (Corbett) falls for her and won't give up the pursuit...with his trusty Elvis suit in tow!
So we put it on hoping for a nice guilty pleasure laugh...and instead we just sat there. Staring at the screen in unbelief. I don't know why we didn't turn it off....I suppose we were determined to see that crapfest through til the end. But the only thing we could think about during the movie was "how does crap like this ever get made?" That's a lesson, if you haven't heard of it, it's probably for a reason.
I've seen a lot of bad movies, and I mean a lot. But usually they at least make me feel passionate in my hate and that is at least some sort of emotion from me. Instead, we witnessed this dull piece of trash that inspired a hatred in a different way...a more boring way. I hated The Fountain I wanted to run and scream out of the theater. But at least the production values were good...and at least it was so outrageous that it made me want to laugh. Elvis made me want to die....or at least fall asleep and not wake up for a very long time. The Wicker Man? An atrocious piece of filmmaking, but the absurdity of Nicolas Cage's antics makes me laugh every time. Eragon? It was hilarious to see how much plagiarism of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings that was going on that they hoped no one would notice. Saw Burlesque last week and it was also pretty awful (not the campy awful I had hoped for) but I was able to derive some enjoyment from guessing which plot cliche they'd use next. Elvis? Nothing. Absolutely nothing redeemable. Worst. Movie. Ever. I suppose there were a few campy moments in the end that were somewhat amusing in the smallest way, but the film was too far gone and we were too bored and dumbfounded at that point to really care.